So... how do I reconcile my inadequacies? I will read the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38 - 42. And remind myself that everything that I am doing isn't as important as waiting and listening to God. Where Jesus comes and Martha bustles about trying to make everything perfect (ah, yes so often this is me... ) and there is her sister Mary just sitting and listening to Jesus. Oh... I know how Martha would feel... the irritation with her sister... can't you almost her thoughts "Oh, well now... wouldn't it be nice to just sit and listen, maybe if she gave me a hand with supper I could actually sit at some point to... but Nooo.... she just stays there" Isn't this us? Really, everyday don't we rush through trying to get everything done, that we don't just sit and listen to God. But that is all He wants from us, to just listen to Him, to do what He wants.
The other problem with Mother's Day... is this wasn't my mom. Don't get me wrong... she is an amazing, loving woman. But she doesn't know Jesus... she was young (only 16), and she hadn't wanted to keep me. My grandfather refused to let her give me up, and in the midst of my self absorbed teen years I felt pretty darn resentful to my grandfather. I grew up without most everything it seemed. We were generally struggling to have food in the house, I had hand me down clothing or clothing from the Salvation Army, there were parties at my house when I was little. And yet God was there... when I was five we were living in the main floor of a house and the man who rented the basement was a Christian. Every Sunday he would disappear, which always bothered me (cause I was five), so I asked if I could go with him. And so I started going to church and learning about Jesus. It was the littlest church... there was the Pastor, his wife... the man from the basement, me and one other lady who sometimes came. The pastor's wife and I would go off and have juice and cookies and talk about Jesus (using one of those great felt boards). When they were unable to pay for the rental of the hall, the Pastor and his wife would pick me up to come to their house. I remember them telling me that no matter what God was there, that He was listening and that He would carry me through anything. With God I would survive. My favorite verse from that time is Philippians 4:6 "Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God" To survive means to continue to live, but God doesn't want us to just live but to prosper.
Sometimes life seems just so overwhelming, doesn't it? How do we survive? How do we continue in this life without God?
When Kellen was born, there were so many times that I was forced to realize what a different world I live in. In Edmonton there is very little faith. Kellen was ten days old, when they discovered he had had a stroke. At the time no one knew how it would affect him... so I was called to have a meeting with the doctor. Who told me he had had a stroke and that he could be mentally disabled, perhaps never walk... and she wanted to know if I still wanted to go through with the surgery. How..... how would we ever not... when we have such a great God??? How would I just walk away from what God had promised. Yet, she was so confused by my decision to have him live, that she called us back to the hospital to try and convince me that it would better to let him die. She went as far as to try and convince my dad and step-mom, she explained to them that "They are all cute as babies... but they grow up" Thankfully Dwayne and I stuck with God's promise for Kellen Psalm 91:14 - 16 "The Lord says, "If you love me and truly know who I am, I will rescue you and keep you safe. When you are in trouble, call out to me. I will answer and be there to protect and honor you. You WILL LIVE A LONG LIFE and see my saving power."
When we came home, someone once commented that they thought it was frustrating that these challenges always seemed to happen to Christian people. But now... looking back at everything. I am so thankful that Dwayne and I were dealt the challenges we have been given. A mother I was put in contact with (whose child had the same heart condition as Kellen), explained how she would have aborted the baby if she had found out they had a chromosome defect (Kellen does), and that if there had been any major complications that they would have let the baby die rather than have a child with challenges. She didn't know Jesus... she just couldn't imagine trying to cope with those things on her own.
Good friends of mine that have a child with heart issues as well, are on the brink of separation because they are losing each other. Because they each are trying to survive on their own after going through so many challenges with their son.
I have seen the despair in these people... who don't know Jesus... who don't have a God to take them through life's toughest challenges. These people who are just suffering.
I see them struggling... life is difficult... trying to do it all. We are all terrible offenders of this, we all try to carry on do it all our self. Perhaps you don't know Jesus, or you don't let him be first in your life. It is easy to let other things be first... Your kids, your spouse, your grief, your addiction... but Jesus calls us to Him John 3:16... and he also wants to bring us comfort from all our struggles. Matt. 11:28.
Held - Natalie Grant
